Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Knights in Shinning Armor
**First of all, I have been trying to post this all day! Internet is silly.
1. The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
2.
1. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
2. A manifestation of any of these qualities.
3. A group of knights or gallant gentlemen.
*Chivalry defined by the American Heritage Dictionary.
I was discussing the simple act of opening the door for a woman, and both my sister and her cousin talked about how both of the men in their lives, in one case past men, spoke of the "honey moon" being over, or the "honey moon" never having begun. I could hardly believe my ears. I never even mentioned the example of respect that I was presented in when my friend's boyfriend stands when she exits the room. Both men had used an excuse, or never even made it to showing any respect or sign of chivalry to these women. In my mind, not a good representation of the respect-worthy men I knew were out there, and I had experienced life with over the past months. Speaking from a women's point of view, I automatically want to be selfish, and believe that the women who are against chivalry are crazy. However, after taking a step back and evaluating what goes on in some of the world today, I have to step away from the extreme. Take it from me, some men take it over the top, and in the wrong direction. What they use is not chivalry however, it is only masked as it, and such ruins the name of true chivalry. What they use makes women feel wrong, manipulated. It is almost a sense that they are doing it out of wrongly backed obligation and in turn, feel the women should be obligated to feel gratitude and reward them. This is not a welcomed feeling, and I do not believe any obligation for gratitude and reward is warranted. If gratitude and reward was obligated, it would twist and distort the very idea of them. Okay, this is not to say there is not a time and place where one should be thankful, I am not by any means, saying to do away with the teaching and using of gratitude and rewards. Well, this is clearly guiding away from the point, and I will leave this for another post if one feels the need to dig in further.
The point I am trying to make is, though chivalry is under attack, it is a very good thing. I question how damaged their (my sister and her cousin) self images are distorted when they talk about being okay with not being respected. This post went to a few places I didn't expect it to extend to I have to say, but I will lead it out one more branch. I found in a high school yearbook this year, a quote from a young man I thought to be of rather good character, I was a bit disappointed with his claim. When asked a question to the likes of why men/boys think it so necessary to do things such as open the door for a women/girl and show chivalry, he replied to the likes of, "Because we want to show respect for them, and hope for maybe something in return...like a kiss." Immature, as sadly expected, coming from a high school year book. However, I found it to be a good thing to point out, it is twisted, distorted, and by no means fitting of the definition-and many people believe it! I have seen and heard of my share of people who use it as a means of getting something. I was offended for the men I know who hold the true meaning of chivalry in their minds, and saddened for the women/girls who believe in the wrong meaning. Okay, I am done. I might post more as the conversation across Jason and Matt's blog grows. I may even post rather soon about the Code of Chivalry and Courtly Love. For now, these are a few of my experiences.
1. The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
2.
1. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
2. A manifestation of any of these qualities.
3. A group of knights or gallant gentlemen.
*Chivalry defined by the American Heritage Dictionary.
I was discussing the simple act of opening the door for a woman, and both my sister and her cousin talked about how both of the men in their lives, in one case past men, spoke of the "honey moon" being over, or the "honey moon" never having begun. I could hardly believe my ears. I never even mentioned the example of respect that I was presented in when my friend's boyfriend stands when she exits the room. Both men had used an excuse, or never even made it to showing any respect or sign of chivalry to these women. In my mind, not a good representation of the respect-worthy men I knew were out there, and I had experienced life with over the past months. Speaking from a women's point of view, I automatically want to be selfish, and believe that the women who are against chivalry are crazy. However, after taking a step back and evaluating what goes on in some of the world today, I have to step away from the extreme. Take it from me, some men take it over the top, and in the wrong direction. What they use is not chivalry however, it is only masked as it, and such ruins the name of true chivalry. What they use makes women feel wrong, manipulated. It is almost a sense that they are doing it out of wrongly backed obligation and in turn, feel the women should be obligated to feel gratitude and reward them. This is not a welcomed feeling, and I do not believe any obligation for gratitude and reward is warranted. If gratitude and reward was obligated, it would twist and distort the very idea of them. Okay, this is not to say there is not a time and place where one should be thankful, I am not by any means, saying to do away with the teaching and using of gratitude and rewards. Well, this is clearly guiding away from the point, and I will leave this for another post if one feels the need to dig in further.
The point I am trying to make is, though chivalry is under attack, it is a very good thing. I question how damaged their (my sister and her cousin) self images are distorted when they talk about being okay with not being respected. This post went to a few places I didn't expect it to extend to I have to say, but I will lead it out one more branch. I found in a high school yearbook this year, a quote from a young man I thought to be of rather good character, I was a bit disappointed with his claim. When asked a question to the likes of why men/boys think it so necessary to do things such as open the door for a women/girl and show chivalry, he replied to the likes of, "Because we want to show respect for them, and hope for maybe something in return...like a kiss." Immature, as sadly expected, coming from a high school year book. However, I found it to be a good thing to point out, it is twisted, distorted, and by no means fitting of the definition-and many people believe it! I have seen and heard of my share of people who use it as a means of getting something. I was offended for the men I know who hold the true meaning of chivalry in their minds, and saddened for the women/girls who believe in the wrong meaning. Okay, I am done. I might post more as the conversation across Jason and Matt's blog grows. I may even post rather soon about the Code of Chivalry and Courtly Love. For now, these are a few of my experiences.
Posted by ~Jace : 12:39 AM : 
2 Comments:
I don't know if the "kiss" comment was necessarily as immature is it seems. Certianly it appears on the surface to be just another overly sexualized comment made my an adolescent teen- but I suppose that when I think about it, it really seems like there could be a way in which it was... I don't know... complimentary.
Becuase men in our society are pretty much painted as giant horny biological organisms with nothing on their minds other than sex I think two assumptions are made that are, at least in my mind, not all that fair: The first is, of course, that as a man, this is the only thing you can be. Sitcomes, movies- even literature often paint men as stupid and horny, which is sometimes all too true, but certainly isn't true in all cases. It is really sad that so many men give up willingly whatever sensitivity and intelligence they have simply to fullfill a cultural stereotype.
The second assumption is that because of this, all desire that men have for physical intimacy is wrong. Frankly, I think that's kind of a sad assumption, especially given that, in the proper context, it's a pretty good thing- at least if you ask me. And it is something that can, in a limited sense, be present before marraige. Certainly had the young man in question suggested that men be compensated with sex, he would have been overstepping his bounds by quite a bit (and deserves to be slapped, in my humble opinion). But a kiss? I don't think that is all that bad. I mean, is the desire of a man to be allowed to, in a limited sense, be allowed to physically express his emotions all that bad? Certainly the teen in question may not have been taking such a stance- indeed, he probably wasn't- but I really don't have a problem with it if he meant it correctly at all. Consider if there were some implications behind said kiss: I read it that some guys open doors in the hopes that women will see how polite and sensitive they are and thus enter into a relationship that would allow for something like a kiss to be properly expressed. Frankly, I think that's a rather nice compliment. This conclusion relies, of course, on some very big assumptions- assumptions that are most likely too big for the situation- but as an alternative perspective, I think its valuable.
So, in light of that, let me say that I hope that this makes sense and hasn't been bogged down to much by my tendency to write in an overly-complex and pretensious grammatical style, and also hope that I've shown the proper intellect and sensitivity to warrant a kiss. ;)
LOL, oh Curtis. In no way could I have been in close proximity of knowing that was going to come in the end. Thank you for shedding some positive light on things. Now that you point out that, it seems, and I almost am against using this word-but for lack of a better one-cute. All assumptions aside, I will pick up your explination, no need to hold on to the negative when nothing can be proven.
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