Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not

I always seem to feel a twinge of sadness when I come home and my dad is already asleep. I don't know why it is always this way, but when I get home, I end up not staying home very often, and instead spend most of the hours my dad is home somewhere else. I only have two more weeks until I leave for a month, with no contact to people back home. I need to set up my insurance, a birthday get together for my granny, a dinner with my grandma, a shopping date for Africa with my aunt, hopefully get a check from my other aunt, ask my insurance for a vacation refill of my malarone so I can get my last ten pills they wouldn't fill today before I leave, buy a present for my uncle's wedding, find something to wear to that, get something together to present to the church body on my Africa trip, as they want to pray for me before I leave, set up how I am getting down to LA the 25th.

*Sigh.
Okay, I know God has a plan for me. I know God does this sort of thing all of the time. But why am I going? What can I do? I am so unprepared, so unfaithful! The doubts about the trip are not swarming in, I know I am supposed to go. The expectations are, however, being thrown out the window. I am at war with myself; battling the suffocating downward thoughts on myself. Maybe not at war with myself, but with the power of the thoughts. The power inflamed by Satan. It irks me to know how easy it is for him to blow on a small ember and burn down a forest. I am on the winning side. God will triumph, and I will be beside myself with excitement when that day comes. I was thinking about that battle, and how great it will be when it is over, I couldn't help but get excited. It is exciting to know that God will be there to defeat Satan, and we will serve Him forever more.