Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not

Monday, August 29, 2005

I like people.

I really really really do.
That's all.

Okay

I crossed an invisible line today. I don't know if I want to turn around, and the only reason I would now is because of fear. No moving will be done. I will wait for the Lord; I will be patient. I cannot take another step without His guidance. I walk lightly as He pulls me along the path that He desires.

Now only to keep my focus on Him so that I need not worry...

Saturday, August 27, 2005

A nine of a night.

I didn't know if I wanted to hear him tonight, because I wasn't sure if I was ready to begin to fall in love with him.

Tonight is a perfect temperature summer night. Beautiful.

I place the heart you made into your hands, though I have no power to keep it from you in the first place. I pray that if these feelings were something you wanted me to feel, that they would come again, and if not-that they would cease to take me away on a cloud.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Feelings from above

You know what? I am suprised at how good it felt to help someone. And I made it. From nine to five, I worked my tail off. I sat down for twenty minutes the entire day. Heck yes, and it felt good. It felt like, for once, I deserved to sit down. Not like I did that for another hour afterwards, but the dinner Allison and I made was good.

Back to the people. It felt so good today to know things and be able to share that knowledge. Which, after pointing this out, makes me wonder why all of us aren't out there, including me, telling people about the knowledge we have. The knowledge that is worth far more than whether or not they should buy a new computer for their daughter, or how many note books they should get for classes, if any, and which kind at that. As Allison fell into comfort with the cash register, I found confidence in doing my part around the store with the customers. I clocked in around half of an hour total on the cash register. The rest of my time was spent checking on sizes, reorganizing, answering questions, and then for half of the day I greeted and answered questions. I also, while greeting, had the privelage of offering a free tote to the parents, which brightened up their day as they saw their savings acounts drop to zero. To have a laugh on such a day I know meant a lot, as they all chuckled at the message printed on the bag, "My kid and my money go to Biola." It was great times. By the end I did feel the effects of the long day, but I was able to hold it together. God worked a miracle today-somehow I was able to get through it, and I know it was only because of Him. He is so good. How faithful and enduring He is. During the last rush of the day, I greeted a group of customers like I had been the entire day, and a man in the group said something to the effect of, "No way. You cannot be that energetic. You have to be as tired as I am." Guys, I had a great day, and I only have God to thank for it.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

If you read anything, read this.

And tell me what you think. This guy had the sly nerve to call me his dear. This is an email I came across while cleaning out an old email address. Good times when the crazy guys always seem to find you...
ATTN: MY DEAR,

I AM CONTACTING YOU ON BEHALF OF MY CLIENT WHO IS
SEEKING FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE AND SUPPORT.KINDLY GO
THROUGH HIS MAIL BELOW AND GET BACK TO ME TO SEND YOU
THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS NEEDED FOR THE CLAIMS OF THE
FUNDS IN THE FINANCE COMPANY.

HIS MAIL: collins_u1@yahoo.co.in

MY NAME IS CHARLES -TAYLOR. I AM THE FORMER PRESIDENT
OF LIBERIA.I WAS FORCED TO RESIGN AS THE PRESIDENT OF
LIBERIA IN WEST- AFRICA BY THE UNITED NATIONS /
INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITIES WHICH WAS SPEARHEADED BY THE
AMERICAN PRESIDENT, MR. GEORGE - BUSH.PRESENTLY I AM
IN EXILE IN CALABAR - NIGERIA WHERE I AM STAYING UNDER
CLOSE WATCH BY THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT WHO KINDLY
OFFERED ME ASYLUM.

I NEED TO TRANSFER WHAT I CALL, MY FUTURE HOPE, THE
SUM OF EIGHTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS [USD 18,5m]
WHICH IS WITH A SECURITY/FINANCE COMPANY INTO YOUR
POSSESSION OR ANY ACCOUNT THAT YOU CAN GET FOR ME OR
NEW BANK ACCOUNT WITH LITTLE OR NO MONEY IN THERE. I
AM BEING MONITORED AND I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE CHANCES.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MY COMMUNICATION AND MOVEMENTS
ARE UNDER STRICT URVEILLANCE THEREFORE MAKE ALL YOUR
COMMUNICATIONS TO ME THROUGH MY ATTORNEY,
BARRISTER.[U Collins] MY LAWYER WHO IS ALSO MY
CLOSE CONFIDANT WOULD BE ABLE TO ESTABLISH AN
INVESTMENT WITH YOUR ASSISTANCE ON MY BEHALF UNTIL I
COME OUT OF MY TRAVAIL AND TORMENTORS.
YOU CAN GO THROUGH THIS WEBSITE TO SEE MY DETAILS:
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/africa/liberia/taylor-bio.html
PLEASE I AM PROMISING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GOOD SHARE
THE FUNDS IF YOU CAN QUITELY GET THIS FUND OUT INTO
YOUR ACCOUNT. I WAIT PATIENTLY FOR YOUR RESPONSE.
YOURS TRULY,

CHARLES TAYLOR.
EX- PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA
PLEASE, THIS IS AN APPEAL TO BE KEPT SECRET BETWEEN
YOU AND MY CLIENT(MR. CHARLES TAYLOR) I WILL FORWARD
TO YOU INFORMATION ABOUT THE SECRURITY AND FINANCE
COMPANY THAT IS IN CUSTODY OF THE MONEY.KINDLY REPLY
TO ME.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.
BARRISTER U COLLINS.
EMAIL: collins_u33@yahoo.co.in

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I just.

*sigh.

I feel like there are plenty of things to talk about, but by the time I get to my computer I am too tired. The bookstore job? Love it. God provides and blesses and is truely amazing. I just want to be who He wants me to be...

Monday, August 08, 2005

Same post on xanga.

I told him that he shoke my world, and it wasn't all figurative.
I turned off the air but my skin wasn't cold.
I shoke from within, until the conversation had an end.

Daniel said hello to me tonight. Said he had been praying my summer would be amazing. Somehow that has never seemed right. I told him God was using him talking to me to free me from that shake. He said, after first asking, he knew what that meant and goodbye. My shaking stopped, the intruder gone.

With my steady breath and still body...I think it worked. God has broken the beak through the egg shell, and now that I know there is fresh air on the other side, and that God can break through its tough layer (most importantly), whenever the world of mine starts to tremble I can call upon His awesome strength to help me through it.

God, I release these feelings of fear and discomfort to you. I pray that you would take the power I have given them over me, and break it. I lift these up to you in Jesus' mighty name. Thank you for setting me free from bondage. Please forgive me for allowing things not of you to control me. I release the control back into your hands. Amen.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Eight Dollar Ride

I feel so bitter.

Small town, small carnival, small prices right? Not when St. Mary puts it on. Man do they like to put money into the church, and who knows where it goes. As we were happy to leave the ticket attendant to her boy friend, we left the booth unhappy to be out of ten dollars, only to be replaced with ten tickets. We spotted the egg scrambler, now labeled The Inferno, and got in line. No sign was posted, but as we attempted to settle our debts with the ride conductor, we ended up with two tickets in our pocket and the task of entering the car without giving everyone a show, both of us being in skirts. Of course, we found courage as just before we entered, two girls in miniskirts made their way out of a car in clean fashion. The ride was full of thrusting this way and that, which made for a lot of laughs. The best part was, we stood out like a sore thumb in the whole carnival. So the bitterness comes from the miniscuel problem of paying four dollars each for one ride, which can be overshadowed by the fun thrusting motion the ride created as I attempted not to crush Brandi.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I keep coming back

to this page in my browser. Staring at me, ready for me to write a new post. I have been through some 20 different pages on the internet, and I continued to skip past this one. So here I am, at last, writing my post. In my mind I am exploring the world of dating and what it means to date and not date; I am reflecting on the peace I have with being home and the blessing God has bestowed upon me in the form of my friendship with Brandi; my mind finishes the circle of thoughts with friendships that are being developed. The growth I knew would come this upcoming semester, and was so excited for last semester, is going to be amazing. I was looking so far ahead of things I didn't realize that God would do so much work in all of us this summer, and even before we left school. For those who are coming back and don't think that there has been much change at all, I know God will use all of the changes He has made in the hearts of His children to work for His glory, and inspire growth in the hearts of those who haven't. Plus, now I know more that the growing this year is going to be even greater because of the growth that has happened while we were apart.
The most important thing I have to say here is, God doesn't want that growth to go to waste, and He is in want of others who haven't yet taken the steps to change, to change, and we can help those struggling to take those steps. My heart is heavy for those around us who we can help as they too are a part of the body of Christ, yet many times we have let them slide back down the mound of thick mud they have to walk over.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Hehe

Why am I still watching TV? No idea. It is such a mind wasting thing. I stuck a pencil in my hair, found it a bit later and couldn't (okay still can't) remember doing it, here I am all closed out of the registration windows and I am still thinking that I am working on it and looking through classes. TV is off, no more for the night thank you. The show I watch in the mornings is even turning for the worst as they advertised it as day time drama today. This is why my dad continues to mention setting up the computer in the TV's place. He claims it is merely a filler at the moment, and only watches it while he eats.

Okay, so enough about the TV. I haven't written much in a long while, and I haven't read much in a long while. I was so estatic over receiving an email from my friend in South Africa that I cried out with tears of joy to the Lord. I got to give Him all of the glory, and it felt great. While in Africa, Ricky, a leader of our group that had left for home with his friend who got a call telling him his mother had passed away, surprised us all by returning the last week. When I saw him, I dropped my stuff and screamed. I couldn't believe he was back, and I had no idea until then how much I had missed him-not to mention the fact that he was an answer to so many prayers as he came on the most difficult day of the entire trip. I started crying, but I held back the glory for God. Words of praise were filling my mouth to the point of bursting, but I held my tongue. For some reason, I believe I did it because I did not want to over shadow Ricky's return; Ricky's welcome back and showering of love. I couldn't believe I did it, but I know that it was God who revealed that to me, telling me I needed to change. So today, being so happy and not holding back those words of praise that filled my mouth was amazing. I thank Him for letting me give Him all the glory. It is His to have. I can't hold back what is His, and He is teaching me how to let go.

Bambelela is a song in I believe Suswati, or however you spell it, but in english it is:
Hold on to Jesus, Hold on to Jesus x2
Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on to Jesus x4

Night all, and may you give Him what is His today, tomorrow, and for all of your days.

[Top]