Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not

Wednesday, June 13, 1990

*Gasp a post box! It's a miracle!!

**Yesterday
You know, I really am bitter about the internet. It is frustrating to pry at a door when it seems hopeless to open it. It is like trying to argue with someone when there is really no way to resolve the matter being argued over. It is like attempting to explain something to someone who is not getting it when you really never wanted to explain yourself in the first place. It is also like repeating yourself when you would really rather not have bothered to say it the first time. -Just trying to find all of the examples I can think of when I have felt a similar feeling to the one I have now towards the internet.

On another note, I feel as though I am connecting with the way a friend of mine was feeling toward specific people a while ago. I just can't seem to get past it. I can't think of doing anything rash, and I wouldn't want to hurt anything that was growing, I just am frustrated right now, and I am living with that.

How about another? We shall have a symphony by the time I get through. I spent most of the day with Amanda and Jeremy. I feel either as though I was a 27 year old visiting my married friends as the single one, or as a 13 year old visiting a married couple that was in their late twenties or mid thirties. I cannot decide between which. This all in despite of the fact that I am neither of those ages, nor are they married...Anyhow, it was quite something. Jeremy paid for our dinner at a Japanese restaurant, similar to PF Changs, only a lot smaller, and a bit less expensive-or a lot, I wouldn't know to be quite honest. Anyhow, then he took us to the movie's (Star Wars III). I got to pay for popcorn. That movie theatre was ridiculous. They wanted $10.50 for nachos and a soda. Probably worth only $1.75 max. It was almost $5 for a medium popcorn. Blah.

It was interesting though, him paying for us, taking care of us throughout the day in little ways... he has always been that way in some degree-but I never noticed it or appreciated it to the degree I found myself at today. I noticed things more, and when Amanda asked me if I could believe him being a dad..I could say yes. I saw something new between the two of them today. When they used the word love towards each other, I actually believed it.

**Today
I fell asleep while talking to Matt last night! I think it is the second time. I have found myself with silly determination to stay awake lately. Then, when I sleep in I find myself thinking it a bit unreasonable. I seem to never let my self free on the subject of sleep.

Each day this week has one-two names to it. The second name is, for the most part, something that could happen, but it depends on the first name.
Sunday: Jeremy & Amanda

Monday: Brandi
Small group

Tuesday: Granny
Rebecca

Wednesday: Stacey
**I really forgot the second name, it came to me again last night..uh oh

Thursday: Ann

Friday: *may not have one

Saturday: Peter and Jenn

Sunday: Church and Dad

This is going to be something, especially for the days I forgot someone...

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