Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Broken in thought
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I went back to sleep...and woke up at 5:38. Around six hours of sleep and my body wanted no more.
I have had things running through my head since yesterday morning, but I couldn't write about them. What may have been fear or claustrophobia, swept over me and made it difficult for me to live inside my head last night, that is the only reason I did not stay online last night and instead went to sleep. I find that "living inside my head" includes posting, reading, writing, and simply thinking. Though some comments are made on blogs, it is less response than I would get in an aim conversation or email, in all cases I am merely writing what is in my head-besides laughing during aim conversations, there is no verbal communication. All this to say, it was hard for me to do that last night, and the feeling still lingers in my mind today as I continue to string words together in my mind.
Yesterday, as I drove past a friend's house for the upteenth time, I thought about the fact that he is driving now, and hardly stays home any more. My mind shifted to another friend, who got her license and began to shift away from what had become normal activities. I looked at myself, and, though I have always gone out, I believe I began to do a lot more of it when I got a car. Obviously driving gives one more opportunity, more freedom, and more responsibility. It seems like it marks something a bit deeper though, it marks the furthering of separation from parents, the furthering of independence. No longer is the child in need of the parent's taxi services, which there by means the child is no longer in need of the parent's accompaniment. The child is now able to make more decisions on what he/she wants to do. For example, the female friend mentioned above, was pushed to go to church with her family all of her life; when she began to drive, however, she stopped going with her family. The male friend mentioned above, no longer needs his mother to take him to events, or to rely on her to pick him up. With the responsibility part of driving, besides the obvious, the parents are now able to rely on the child to help out more. Along with picking up or taxiing siblings, the child is also employed to run errands or help out at the family business across town. Though responsibility ties the child to the home, the driver's license loosens the grip.
What is it with Americans believing we are so ready to leave the home? Is it the broken society? The average broken home?
A piece of honesty:
I have been thinking about the discussions that have gone on about Codes of Honor, Christian Masculinity, Chivalry, and similar things with myself, Jason, Curtis, and Matt, (Look I did a link! Now, did I do it right?) in combination with reading the book I am currently into and evaluating my interactions with people, and I have found that my thoughts on male/female relationships have drawn me away from focus on the female/female relationships in my life. I have begun to contrast and spend more time focusing on developing the right heart to have with people like my dad, and if any, minimal time focusing on developing the right heart to have with people like Brandi. The time was/is well spent, as I find that my relationship with my dad, as I learn to honor and respect him, has grown to be a wonderful and uplifting one, but I have found that in turn, with such focus on male/female relationships coming from the discussions and the book, I have mistakenly turned away, or shifted heavily, my focus on developing my other relationships. I have found myself troubled when coming to this realization. So, to turn it around, and restore the balance, I am going to slow down the reading of my book, it is nothing against the book, as in reality it is a book towards developing something rather important, femininity, but I think reading it with less speed will not only help me spend a bit less time focused in the direction the book is leading, but will also help me think more thoroughly about the content. Also, I plan on attempting to just be more aware of how I am and developing with friends, people like Brandi. I love being a female, and I love sharing that experience with other females, and learn how to genuinly become a better person.
The real scoop:
If there is one thing, and there is many more than one, that I have learned while at Biola, it is the importance of male/male and female/female relationships. My own experiences on top of listening to others has helped me to appreciate and focus on developing such relationships myself, and encourage others to do the same. There are things that can be given in those relationships that cannot come by any other.
I have had things running through my head since yesterday morning, but I couldn't write about them. What may have been fear or claustrophobia, swept over me and made it difficult for me to live inside my head last night, that is the only reason I did not stay online last night and instead went to sleep. I find that "living inside my head" includes posting, reading, writing, and simply thinking. Though some comments are made on blogs, it is less response than I would get in an aim conversation or email, in all cases I am merely writing what is in my head-besides laughing during aim conversations, there is no verbal communication. All this to say, it was hard for me to do that last night, and the feeling still lingers in my mind today as I continue to string words together in my mind.
Yesterday, as I drove past a friend's house for the upteenth time, I thought about the fact that he is driving now, and hardly stays home any more. My mind shifted to another friend, who got her license and began to shift away from what had become normal activities. I looked at myself, and, though I have always gone out, I believe I began to do a lot more of it when I got a car. Obviously driving gives one more opportunity, more freedom, and more responsibility. It seems like it marks something a bit deeper though, it marks the furthering of separation from parents, the furthering of independence. No longer is the child in need of the parent's taxi services, which there by means the child is no longer in need of the parent's accompaniment. The child is now able to make more decisions on what he/she wants to do. For example, the female friend mentioned above, was pushed to go to church with her family all of her life; when she began to drive, however, she stopped going with her family. The male friend mentioned above, no longer needs his mother to take him to events, or to rely on her to pick him up. With the responsibility part of driving, besides the obvious, the parents are now able to rely on the child to help out more. Along with picking up or taxiing siblings, the child is also employed to run errands or help out at the family business across town. Though responsibility ties the child to the home, the driver's license loosens the grip.
What is it with Americans believing we are so ready to leave the home? Is it the broken society? The average broken home?
A piece of honesty:
I have been thinking about the discussions that have gone on about Codes of Honor, Christian Masculinity, Chivalry, and similar things with myself, Jason, Curtis, and Matt, (Look I did a link! Now, did I do it right?) in combination with reading the book I am currently into and evaluating my interactions with people, and I have found that my thoughts on male/female relationships have drawn me away from focus on the female/female relationships in my life. I have begun to contrast and spend more time focusing on developing the right heart to have with people like my dad, and if any, minimal time focusing on developing the right heart to have with people like Brandi. The time was/is well spent, as I find that my relationship with my dad, as I learn to honor and respect him, has grown to be a wonderful and uplifting one, but I have found that in turn, with such focus on male/female relationships coming from the discussions and the book, I have mistakenly turned away, or shifted heavily, my focus on developing my other relationships. I have found myself troubled when coming to this realization. So, to turn it around, and restore the balance, I am going to slow down the reading of my book, it is nothing against the book, as in reality it is a book towards developing something rather important, femininity, but I think reading it with less speed will not only help me spend a bit less time focused in the direction the book is leading, but will also help me think more thoroughly about the content. Also, I plan on attempting to just be more aware of how I am and developing with friends, people like Brandi. I love being a female, and I love sharing that experience with other females, and learn how to genuinly become a better person.
The real scoop:
If there is one thing, and there is many more than one, that I have learned while at Biola, it is the importance of male/male and female/female relationships. My own experiences on top of listening to others has helped me to appreciate and focus on developing such relationships myself, and encourage others to do the same. There are things that can be given in those relationships that cannot come by any other.
Posted by ~Jace : 6:37 PM : 
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home