Sometimes I just have to remind myself I am not

Don't act like I am all innocent, because I am not. For once do not act as though you have to wait until I leave to laugh about someone's inappropriate joke. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate it, I like to enjoy humor without completely feeling wrong at the end of the night. I am sick of Satan filling our heads and making it so easy to stay by his side. We know it is wrong, but the strength and effort it takes defeats many when they have whispers of how messed up things are already in their ears constantly and how "useless" it would be to try. Satan gets his way so easily when he messes with our own thoughts. He doesn't have to do much. I am tired of people talking so freely about having sex in the wrong context. I am sick of people playing around with the emotional aspects of doing wrong to one another. I am sick of the lack of sensitivity and lack of intelligence that society has developed towards topics like sex and drugs. I haven't been down the darkest of roads, by God's grace alone. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the experience of pain that a lot of my friends have, and I don't pretend to understand it at all. I do know pain though, and I have been down my share of dark roads. I have seen pain, and have felt it too. I know the feelings that people struggle with, thinking that they shouldn't be feeling that way. I have had them. I am sick of people condemning people for having them, and I am also sick of people encouraging those that are wrong-and they know it! What are we doing here?! Why are we accepting the action when we want to accept the person? Why is there such a lack of building each other up, and when we try to, why are we building each other up by accepting everything about them? Do we think we have to? We don't. I am heart broken for the pain I know many people have in their hearts, in their souls. That pain will take a lot to heal. One must choose healing though! I so often have seen my friends give up because of the difficulty of the journey. So many of those never try again! Lord how do I encourage them to fall into your arms again, as I cannot carry them, only you have the strength? We are children of God, how often we forget what that means! I have been down the road of distorted sexuality, the road of thrown away brain cells, and the road of breaking people down, instead of building them up. Heck, I still deal with it-and I know it will not go away for good. The power is gone though. I have someone who has won the battle for me. As hard as it has been. This is my story. You have your own. I can't make your life better, you can't either-only God can, but we can both make it worse. So often we choose to! Why? Because we are trapped by lies, trapped by the pain and manipulation. Only God can make our lives better, but we need to let Him. Some of you may disagree with a lot of what I am saying, and some of that disagreement is rightly so, but I don't think all of it will be. I read a friends blog today, as I read each comment I could feel the feelings that disguise themselves as good enough to enjoy and make you want more, at the same time I could feel my heart telling me how wrong that good feeling was, because I have tasted things so much sweeter. I don't know what to say but my heart was broken by the end, and as the tears flow down I pray that eyes will be opened . I can't tell you how much I love you people, and how much I desire for the power of those things you struggle with to be broken. The thing that hurt the most was the last comment, because it was from someone I know. Some one I know that hurts just as much as the one who wrote the blog. Yet she fell into the trap too. She accepted the action, instead of accepting the person. I know that nothing I say will fix things, and I know that the jokes and struggles and pain will continue on. I hope that this makes one of you think for even just a moment though. I can't make things better, as much as I would like to. I know you feel defeated by feeling like you can't make things better either. There is someone who can. There is no eraser for the mind, as much as I wish there were some times, but there is a defeater of the power that the thoughts have over us. I know my story is not yours. I don't wish it to be. My story has its own rocky paths and sharp corners. I am not innocent. I have chosen innocence. I choose to try to refrain from those things that bring back the darkness; those things that disguise themselves as bearers of never ending happiness. I may have become too conservative, but you know what? Sometimes I just don't think so.